I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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