just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
