I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
