And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
