My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
