Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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