Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
