It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
