It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
