I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
