My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
