is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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