Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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