Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
