i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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