If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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