I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
