I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
