Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
