i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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