If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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