I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
