i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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