Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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