It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
