Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
love makes seman taste better
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
