It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
