I will die if light touches me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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