Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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