It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
