What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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