so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Houston, we have a blender
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
