she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
