so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
