My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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