she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
