I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize