Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
