seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
