What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
