would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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