I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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