Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
