He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
