Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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