Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
