Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
