My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
