shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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