i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
