I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
