Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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