Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
