I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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