She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
