i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
