I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
