Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
