You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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