It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
