My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
