you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
