going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
