Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
