We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
