I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
