There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
