come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She bit a glass in half.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
