found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I touched a dick in church today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
