Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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